Tony: “Hi, my question is about ‘chat’, I’m usually a good listener, but don’t share my life very much with others, it should be funny I don’t know how to say it, I have I noticed that in addition to my own boring life, I seem to be afraid that what I say will be remembered as boring, so it becomes a vicious circle, I feel very concerned about what other people think, and I want to know what I should do to improve this situation.”
Hello Tony, I am very pleased to receive your letter. It is not easy to find out your own problems, and it takes a lot of courage to actively seek help. I will only divide your questions below. Answer for two levels.
The level of chat
There are several levels of chatting. Listening is one type and chatting is another type. Lack of one of them will make us fall into the dilemma of “communication barrier”. Listening is more than just echoing other people’s opinions. A reply like “Yeah, ooh, yah” just gives the person you’re talking to a sense that you’re not listening at all.
It’s like the long-running Zhengmei mechanical response: “En, haha, go take a shower.” That’s a near-meaningless response (but at least it’s better than not reading it). As for active listening, we will discuss more in future topics, and this time we will only discuss chatting first. You mentioned earlier that you feel that your life is relatively boring, only video games, 3C and chasing dramas, but I want to ask you, is this really the case?
These things themselves are very entertaining and interesting, and I myself love the fun they bring to me. Take video games as an example, I like multiplayer online games. In addition to expressing pressure, we all work together. Working together to accomplish something is a joy in itself.
And what about 3C? 3C itself is cold, yes, the specifications of 3C are also very rational and unfeeling, but why do we buy these things? The mobile phone maintains the relationship between people, and there is no distance but long-distance transmission; the camera captures every good memory we have experienced, and the laptop also carries the bits and pieces of social media, the Internet, and life.
The world of movies is also very attractive! Just like the recent Korean drama “Lonely and Splendid Gods and Ghosts”, which seems to be a romantic movie, but is actually discussing life issues, and the funny “Fate is also fun” many years ago, which aroused people’s attention to family love from the funny.
The above description not only represents my views on chat, but also includes chat demonstrations. I only call this technology “wind”. Because a pleasant chat should operate as freely, naturally and smoothly as the wind.
Can’t see clearly (laughs)? Let’s play it back in slow motion!
3, 2, 1, please see clearly!
Video games: express stress, cooperation, happiness
3Cs: Maintaining Relationships, Good Memories, Social Media and Life
Movies and Dramas: Love, Life, Funny, Family
I expand these three topics into more than ten topics at a time, and the speaker will be able to expand on the topic he is best at, so why not be interesting?
Regarding communication, in addition to wind, there are actually four steps: forest, fire, and mountain, which will be discussed in future articles.
To make your chat more interesting, in fact, as long as you are familiar with the basic use of “wind”, you can easily do it, let’s see how to “raise the wind”!
Wind-Free Association Ideas
Besides what I mentioned above, what else comes to your mind when you think of video games?
Magic, fantasy, enhance parent-child relationship, help improve IQ, a journey that every teenager must go through, Jay Chou, memories of playing Internet cafes as a child, things that a group of uncles still do when they get together. These are the first thoughts that come to my mind, how about you?
When you have richer associations and more topics, you will be able to chat freely and freely, and the other party will also think that you are a person with rich experience, and will naturally want to know you better and take the initiative to make friends with you.
Familiar with such an exercise, there are also several side effects.
I. Forecast
Because you are familiar with where the topic usually goes, you can easily predict the direction of the topic, and you are in control of what others have to say.
II. Influence
After the accuracy of the prediction is improved, there will be an impact. Why?
When you can predict what the other person will say after a few sentences, you can choose to focus on what he is going to say, or take the topic off the ground and avoid linking to his negative memories or thoughts.
To become Zhuge Liang in communication, you must first be able to control the wind with precision.
Levels of Confidence
I care too much about what other people think, and I am afraid to share it. I am even worried that I will not speak well enough, so I tell myself in my heart: “It is better not to say anything at all than to speak coldly this time.”
If this is the case, start practicing with the people around you. Many people think that communication is too difficult, and even try to master it by learning to strike up a conversation. In fact, there are many people waiting around you. You go to chat with him.
Anyone who has played video games knows that there are so-called NPCs in the video game world. Whenever you click on them, they will always reply to those preset contents, and there are such NPCs in your life. You will meet him almost every day and have brief conversations and small talk with him.
What we have to do today is to help ourselves improve communication with the help of NPCs in our lives.
For example, breakfast restaurants tend to start like this:
Boss lady: “What would the handsome guy want?”
“A bacon quiche, a large glass of iced soy milk.”
“Come on, a total of 50 yuan.”
However if you replace the response with:
“A bacon quiche without eggs, a large glass of iced soy milk.”
The response you get will be very different.
What does this have to do with communication and chat?
Of course, this exercise will allow you to grasp the variability of communication. Start with the least variable situation first, and observe how other guests interact with the boss. You will gradually learn: “Oh! It turns out that the lady boss likes to play tennis.” Or “It turns out that the young man in charge of filling the milk tea is the boss’s cousin!”
With more information, can you use the “Wind-Free Association idea” more proficiently?
Some people will say, “If you want to learn to chat, you have to face your biggest fear.”
So they throw you on the podium to give briefings, and throw you into the street for unfamiliar development, and you panic in front of everyone’s eyes. Unleash your potential (provided you have it).
However, more people couldn’t make it to the day they succeeded, they were knocked down halfway through, and even their confidence was destroyed, because their “level” was still a lot worse to actually play! Is it possible to throw a player from a college team to an NBA-level battlefield?
It is better to think about what you can do first instead of thinking about taking one step to the sky!
Let’s start with a simple chat, such as the uncle who is the administrator of the building, the courier who comes to pick up the parcel, the husband and wife at the food stall, etc. NPCs in life will not suppress you or make fun of you, try Increase the frequency of your interactions with them. Every legendary hero starts from interacting with NPCs!
Conclusion
People are born to chat, and I myself learned to communicate through the tempering and hard work of the acquired environment.
Yufeng’s starting style – the idea of free association is a method I use to train business and coach cases. It can help you increase the breadth, extensibility, and multiple perspectives of the topic, and can also help you achieve “natural communication”. “.
And supplemented by step-by-step NPC practice, you can build self-confidence in the progress bit by bit, such self-confidence will inspire you to invest more enthusiasm in communication, forming a virtuous circle, confident expression, free communication.
