A Bao asked: “How can I meet someone I just met? Some people say that chatting with a girl should be a lively atmosphere, and should start by talking about constellation food travel. is that true?”
Many people think that in order to have a lively chat with someone they just met, they have to talk about “constellations, food, and travel”. It seems that these three topics are panacea. All can hit.
In fact, if you have enough chatting experience, you will find that even if you hold on to these three topics, it is very common for the atmosphere to cool down, because that is not the soul of chatting at all.
The soul of the chat is the way you speak. You have to talk about the things he cares about, and from the perspective he cares about, rather than talking about topics that you find interesting but boring.
This article will explain to you:
- Which words will instantly ruin the conversation
- Why are you still chatting about movies, but you are always cool but others can chat enthusiastically
- If the topic of death doesn’t exist, what to talk about
Let’s chat together~
There is no such thing as the best topic in the world
I often hear a lot of people say that if you want to have a lively chat with a friend you just met, you have to talk about cars, games, and work with boys, and constellations, food, and travel with girls.
There is also another saying that you have to pay attention to the latest “current affairs news” to create a topic, such as which star has recently been rumored, which political figure has caused controversy, or which movie has just been released. Have you watched it.
I used to think that with this kind of topic that the public can accept, I can get on the line with people I don’t know well, and easily chat and build friendships, until I really tried it, and found that it is not the case at all.
I remember when I first started chatting with my crush about horoscopes, hoping it would be a good topic to pique her interest, I said:
“Don’t you think Teacher Tang’s predictions are all ambiguous?”
“No, I think she’s super accurate when she talks about Capricorn men!”
“But, don’t you think…”
and then?
There is no more, but as soon as the two words are spoken, the atmosphere of the conversation is ruined.
(Friends who don’t understand can think about why the word “but” will destroy the atmosphere. If you get through this joint, your chat will improve rapidly)
I wanted to talk about “the accuracy of the horoscope,” but she wanted to talk about “her emotional experience.”
But at that time, I didn’t have enough communication acumen to detect this matter, so even if I dabbled in the topic of constellations, I probably knew what constellations had personalities, but because of the different perspectives, I was completely unable to answer, let alone Also, extend the topic and show your humor.
(Later, I focused on the atmosphere of the chat, rather than the topic of the chat, but I got very good feedback, even people I just met could chat happily.)
People like to talk about the things they care about
Another classic example is when I heard a man and a woman talking about movies. At that time, they were talking about a superhero movie. The girl said:
“I really like it, he is handsome enough, and he acts very well in the XXX movies, and his voice is beautiful.”
The boy replied:
“I know the movie you’re talking about. I heard that the box office was bad. There were also film critics at the film festival that year…”
and then?
There is still no answer, because what the girl wants to express is that star performances make her feel “pink bubbles”, but the boy is talking about “analysis of numbers and professional film reviews”, and he abruptly removes her from the original light topic. Pulling back to the cold reality, how could the topic go on?
Of course, I’m not here to tell you:
You have to match the other person’s thinking and not talk about what you really want to talk about. ”
However, if the role you are playing today is the one who “wants to get to know him actively,” then you should and must do it from an angle that can resonate with him and cut into a topic that fits the current atmosphere.
The reason is also very simple, because:
“People care about themselves the most.”
“People like to talk about themselves.”
“Everyone likes to be empathized, and I hope someone can see the world from his own perspective, and then share this joy together.”
Making the other person feel recognized is the first step in a chat
Therefore, there is really no such saying in this world that “whatever topic you talk about will definitely hit you”.
The soul of a topic does not lie in the topic itself, but in the angle from which the speaker enters.
Only when you extend the dialogue from the perspective of the other party’s understanding and recognition in seconds, can you create the possibility of sparks.
And the so-called hit-and-miss is from this. The key is not the topic, but whether you understand what he wants to talk about, and then how do you plan to respond to the ball he lost, throw a good ball back and let him catch it.
When the atmosphere of the conversation heats up, he will naturally become curious about you:
“This man really understands what I’m talking about.”
“He’s so funny.”
“I also want to know more about him.”
From then on, your interaction is two-way. It is no longer that you want to meet him unilaterally, but that he is willing to enter your world to understand you, know you, and cultivate a further relationship.
