How to be hated by others? Improve yourself from thinking logic and chatting skills

As a result of the experiment, 100% of the participants chose to sit down and talk about their differences.

It’s a simple ad, but it also exposes how easily human nature can be carried away by ideology, because as long as the people designing the process change the order of the tasks a little bit, such as letting them know that their opinions are opposed, Then they might start looking at each other with tinted lenses, let alone working together.

So what does this have to do with the topic I’m going to talk about today?

Yes, because this is a detail that is easily overlooked by ordinary people, but it also dominates what impression you leave on others.

Just imagine, one day you meet a new friend on a certain occasion, but for some reason, you know that he supports the party, the idea of ​​​​diversity, and the idea of ​​environmental protection issues is completely opposite to yours, and based on these labels. Influence, your head begins to have the effect of being in the right seat.

Your head will start to search, among the people you know in the past, what are the characteristics of people who have these labels, for example, this person is a frequent participant in marching movements, so you think he has a temperament, and he supports a certain party’s man, so he is conservative and stubborn and so on. So far, the impression this person has left in your mind is not based on his personal behavior, but is shaped according to his label.

So you might be hated for voting for a conservative party, liked for supporting the Warriors, hated for changing a car, liked for playing music, tags are the first basis for forming a person’s “liked” or “hated” .

So if you find yourself being hated, stop and calm down, sometimes it’s just because you belong to a certain ideology, a certain group, a certain label that hates it.

However, being hated is usually not established by a single factor, it must also be combined with “opposites consciousness”.

Opposition, in simple terms, means that two people hold opposite opinions on the same issue, but try to win or lose, and “debate”, “reasonableness”, “persuasion”, etc. are all ways to show opposition, with different intensities, but in essence all the same.

Once a person is affected by the opposite consciousness, the brain will change from friendly mode to hostile mode. He has to prove that he is right, and you have to prove that you are right. For example:

• The customer thinks the product is expensive, but the salesman does not agree, so he took out data and corroborating evidence to slap the customer in the face.
• The boy thinks that his condition is excellent, and the girl has no reason to reject him, so he tries his best to persuade the girl to date him, but the girl really doesn’t like him, so she starts to raise the condition higher to reject his pursuit.

If you have experienced a situation similar to the above, then you will know that even if a customer is speechless, he will not place an order, and a girl will not agree when a boy speaks to her. Confession, because human nature does not like to lose, even if he knows you are right, he will not be convinced.

More importantly, when the chat atmosphere was destroyed, the relationship between the two quickly froze.

This is what I said in the preface, sometimes you are hated, not because you are really hated, but because you are at a stalemate with the other party at a certain point, this bad feeling makes him think that there is nothing wrong with continuing to chat with you significance.

How to turn an enemy into a friend

Now that knowing a “specific topic” can get you labeled, and labels can lead to opposition, and opposition leads to arguments, which ultimately affect other people’s impressions of you, some people start using another strategy:

“If you consciously avoid disagreements in chatting and avoid topics that may cause intensification, you can maintain your favorability.”

Some people will also say:

“Then I’ll just pretend to agree with him? I’ll give him approval to see what kind of opinion he supports?”

Frankly speaking, these two methods are very good only from the level of “technical”. Regarding how to seek common ground in differences and turn enemies into friends, I myself divide it into three levels:</ span>

• Text Detail: Acknowledge the choice of words
• Process Guidance: Consciously guide topics, focusing on issues of mutual agreement
• Totally tolerant: You can talk about any topic, and you fully accept and tolerate each other’s subjective opinions.

The advantage of technology is that it can be used very quickly. Even people who can’t chat at all, after systematic training, can give others a feeling of spring breeze in the face of different opinions (I used this method back then. training of salespersons).

But as I always say, technology has its limits. If a person only starts from “chat technology”, he gives the other party recognition in terms of word choice, or consciously guides the direction of the topic to increase the sense of intimacy, when you touch When it comes to an opinion that you “resolutely disagree with”, the other party will still observe your true position from your micro-expressions, body movements, and unconscious reactions when hearing a certain keyword.

Therefore, for those who can really break through the limit, in addition to being harmonious in text guidance and process guidance, more importantly, you must “completely tolerate and agree with each other’s ideas” before technology can be used by you.

When I was sharing this experience, a student asked me:

“But if what he says is ridiculous or deviates from my values ​​a lot, how can I agree? For example, if he thinks it is right to use violence to control violence, or the person who steals will be executed, Parade to the public and wait, what should I do?”

I said, “You mean, you totally disagree with every word he says, right?”

He said: “Yes, if I insist on agreeing with him, I will feel very painful and also feel very hypocritical.”

I said, “You feel hypocritical because you force yourself to agree, but the real identification is not like this. The real identification is my identification with his identification.”

He: “What do you mean? I still don’t understand?”

Me: “The real agreement is that I don’t agree that he hurts others, but I agree that he can hold this idea, and I’m willing to understand why he thinks so, and to put it more vernacularly, I don’t agree with you that beef noodles are the world’s The most delicious food, but I accept that you have the freedom to say this, and I also want to understand why you are so insistent, and when I do, of course my heart will not resist, because maybe the background of the growing environment Exchange, the choices I make may be the same as yours. And if we raise our vision to this point, we can accommodate all kinds of different voices in our hearts, and the subconscious will naturally not fight against others in words.”

The so-called pattern and vision are born from humbly accepting different opinions. In life, we will encounter people with different opinions. He may be your supplier, your colleague, your subordinate, your Boss, you can’t argue every time you encounter it, or force yourself to agree only literally.

Open your heart to accept their point of view and see things from their point of view, and you can learn to think differently:

• Supervisor thinking: understand the considerations behind the decision, and recognize the perspective of the general direction of the strategy
• Subordinate thinking: the suffering of the people, understand the difficulties and problems they encounter, and think about how to help them
• Thinking of Opponents: Understand why they oppose, and how you can leverage them to make them work for you in the future