Many friends and I have reported that they have no common interests, it is their inner demons when chatting, and because of this idea, when there is not much interaction with each other, they are afraid to speak freely, which makes the scene even more embarrassing, Even let the atmosphere freeze.
So this article I will explain to you:
- Does having a common interest really make for a lively conversation?
- Is there a better way to chat without having something in common?
Let’s chat together~
Q: “I find that I can only chat with people who have common interests or work that overlaps, but the topic of conversation is still on these things. How can I expand my social circle? Is it necessary to make friends or communicate with men and women? Do you have to have a common interest?”
Common interests are just appearances, the truth is the values behind
As an introvert, I used to be very superstitious before. If I want to make good friends (or boyfriend and girlfriend), I need to develop my interests in many ways. I also believe that people with more interests must have more friends.
However, after I started to earnestly learn new knowledge and expand my life circle, I found that things were not as straight as I thought.
During my college years, in order to improve my interpersonal relationships and get a girlfriend smoothly, I was very keen on studying Applied Psychology, and I would take a passenger bus to the north for further study every holiday.
In a group practice session between classes, my classmates and I needed to help each other review the goal setting, and then go through a series of questions and answers to clarify the goal.
I still remember that I was training with a married real estate agent with two children, so his goals were all related to performance and family. At that time, because of my yearning for love, my goals were roughly It’s about how to get a girlfriend.
Guess what, did this team member and I become friends later?
The answer is NO. Although we can chat and discuss between classes, our values are very different from each other. Although we are both interested in psychology, because of the different original intentions of learning, the chat is naturally not enthusiastic, and we do not stay after class. The contact information was lost (later I became friends with classmates from other groups).
Again, take the example of association.
When networking, the organizer will definitely ask you to fill out a personal photocard, in addition to your professional constellation, you should also attach your hobbies and hobbies, etc., and I have seen too many people write this.
Boys: sports, fitness, running, reading, investing
Girls: food, travel, movies, cats and dogs
Some men and women consider that they may have the same interests as each other, and it is more likely to open a topic, so they will deliberately write about topics that the other party may be interested in, and it will become as follows.
Boys: food, travel, movies, cats and dogs, sports
Girls: sports, running, food, travel
What percentage of these men and women do you think they talk about because they have common interests?
Can two people who have never known each other really chat just because they have a common interest?
Some smarter people will immediately realize that maybe their interests are too broad. If fitness is subdivided into three categories, movies are embodied as dramas, cats and dogs are embodied as shorthair cats, and corgis are Isn’t there something to talk about?
It is a pity that among the men and women I have seen, there are still very few people who can chat because of this, because these are just appearances, but chatting can arouse interest and communicate with people in a short period of time, based on deep values. resonance.
For example, take a movie as an example. Suppose you and the girl you like have both watched “Titanic”, and you also like this movie, but do you know that she pays attention when chatting What’s the point?
If the content of your chat is only:
“This film is so romantic, I cried so hard after watching it.”
“I heard that the box office is very good. If inflation is included, it is still the number one film in history.”
That chat is probably hopeless, it’s not chatting at all, it’s just a formal greeting, or it’s worse than a greeting.
However, what if you ask each other which part of the movie is your favorite?
If you could choose, would you like to be Jack or Rose?
If you were Rose, and after many years you found out that Jack was not dead, would you choose to continue the relationship?
By bringing in the context and asking questions, making each other choices, and explaining each other’s choices, you’ll start to see:
“It turns out that this is how she views love. Her view on love is very romantic and unswerving. In a pinch, she will stand up for her beloved.”
She will also see:
“This guy doesn’t have Jack’s romance, but he has Jack’s innocence. He didn’t choose to continue the relationship, but lived his own family life. It’s really interesting, and he seems to be a very moral person.”
Your understanding of each other, that is, through such in-depth communication, slowly construct a blueprint for each other’s cognition, and then decide whether you want to be ordinary friends, good friends, or develop into lovers according to the fit of the blueprint.
(Small reminder: It’s not that you can’t be a couple because you have different values. The key to a smooth relationship is whether you can agree or respect the value that you care about the most. If you can, there is a possibility of dating.)
In-depth communication between people depends on the correct way of chatting
So, my understanding of interest is this:
“Don’t be tied by your interests, and limit the ability of people who you feel “same interests” to communicate. ”
In this world, there are many people who clearly have the same interests, but cannot make friends at all because of different values, or even dislike each other.
But there are also people who have different interests and positions, and even have conflicts of interest, but because of deep-seated ideas, they become friends unexpectedly (Naruto’s Ushiha Madara & Senju Hashima is just that).
Interest itself is just a medium. For example, you have an interest in rock climbing and cooking, so you can join the club through this interest and meet people. Interest is like a ticket, and the person who holds the ticket can enter the banquet. , through which you can openly chat with strangers more naturally and aimlessly. After chatting, you will gradually recognize the deeper values of each person, and the relationship will also start.
Finally, I would like to talk about my own experience. In the past, there are almost no people who have the same interests as me.
I am not a person who loves food very much, all my knowledge of food is told by girls, and most of the dating places are chosen by them. I have not traveled to many places (the time is spent studying and working), except that I like cats Besides, I don’t have any interests that most girls are passionate about, but through the correct way of chatting, I still have a way to chat with people who have these interests, to understand their original intentions and deep values of these interests, and then let the two get along with each other. The atmosphere is harmonious, mutual appreciation and natural togetherness.
So here’s what I thought:
“What to talk about is not the point, the common topics and interests are just to help you get started, so that you won’t be too dry when chatting, there are some ready-made materials you can use, but you need to chat deeply and open up heart-to-heart communication, how to talk, how to Talking is what matters.”
