Han: Hello, I would like to ask some questions, I hope to have the opportunity to get your answers!
1. I recently met a girl through a marriage and friend club. Currently, I mainly chat with her through the line. Her interests are watching movies, traveling, and eating delicious food. And I am reading novels, playing board games, and learning Tarot recently. What we have in common is that we are following dramas, and we have watched some common dramas (such as Langya Bang, Please close your eyes when it gets dark, etc.). Recently, I have You are planning to develop an interest in watching movies, and you can chat with her about movies by the way, but I would like to ask how to open a topic with her and further develop our relationship when our interests are not the same?
2. In the process of learning Tarot, I met another girl with a good appearance and personality, but the course ended last week, and there is not much chance to meet in the future, but our work place is not far away, and she was originally invited to sign up for a table together. But she doesn’t seem to be very interested, so she refuses. At present, we will occasionally contact through Line, but the topic of conversation is now limited to Tarot and her work profile, and I always take the initiative to knock on her. I would like to know what can be done Allow us to have further contact and understanding?
I’m sorry, because I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I’m not very good at discussing and getting along with girls, so there are more questions, I hope you don’t take offense!
I know that it takes practice to chat or get along with girls, but sometimes I can’t find the direction and method. I sincerely hope to get your professional answers and suggestions, so that my life can be different because of your help, please Yes, thank you!
Sincerely, those who are still looking for love
Can you communicate with similar interests?
Some people say that “people with different interests cannot develop relationships.” Whether it is friends of the opposite sex or the same sex, we all tend to associate with people who are the same as ourselves, right? Sounds very logical, right?
People who like to play basketball can chat about the NBA and enjoy it until midnight on the court. People who like photography can go up the mountain and go to the sea together, and go crazy together in pursuit of the ultimate photos, while those who like to chase dramas only need to talk about plots and idols, and the enthusiasm aroused is enough to make three women become a vegetable market (laughs) .
Just say my friend Xiao Ming! Following this logic, I counted his best friends for him, and the interests are really the same. It can be seen that “same interests and hobbies” are the bridge to open relationships, and no one can deny the importance of interests.
But after I started to think about it, I found that it was getting more and more wrong… The interests of those who are out of tune with Xiao Ming also seem to be very similar?
Xiao Ming likes to play ball, study psychology, go out on holiday, and occasionally eat delicious food, and Xiao Hua, who doesn’t fit in with him, also likes it. Why didn’t they become friends?
In other words, the “interests” of ordinary people in this society are here, no matter how different they are from others, how can they be different?
Perhaps the key to attracting two people together is not interest, but whether the values behind the interests are similar.
Xiaohua has a more egoistic personality, and is often a frequent visitor to the bullfighting in the park. He loves having a ball in his hand more than passing the ball. Although people often think he is very independent, thanks to his superb ball skills, the team with him People tend to win several games in a row. At the same time, he also loves to study psychology, and it has always been his pursuit to defeat opponents and capture the hearts of girls in the heart battle.
Xiao Ming is a good representative in everyone’s eyes, and his skills are not bad. Although teaming up with him in bullfighting may not necessarily become a winning army, he is always a good teammate on the court. He had a lot of fun playing together, and the reason he studied psychology was to get to know his friends so he could help them out when they were in trouble, or to break the hearts of those “babies” say), reaching out when they need help.
What about reading novels, playing board games, learning tarot, and chasing dramas?
The same thing, we pay attention to different faces, and give people different feelings, and this difference will be reflected in your words and deeds, which will determine whether you will “smelt like” with the person in front of you.
The values behind things
Take Harry Potter as an example, when you are watching, what about Harry’s emotional world? Or the intrigue between the wizards and the other?
Taking board games as an example, do you like to play the Three Kingdoms Killing that competes against each other, or the situational cards where you can get to know each other in depth?
The same is true of Tarot. Some people are addicted to the world of knowing fate, and some people are just respectful but not addicted.
At this point, you should have a general idea of what I want to express. No matter how similar the interests are, as long as the motivations and values behind this interest are different, the direction of the topic will be completely different, and the way to resonate will also be different.
Therefore, instead of cultivating an interest that is completely irrelevant to you in order to establish a relationship with a person, it is better to think about the deeper question behind it, that is, “what drives the other person’s interest”.
For movies, you can ask:
“If you could choose, which character would you want to be on the show?”
“Which character in the play do you like the most and why?”
The answer to the above two questions is usually a projection of his inner self, and you can know how he sees himself.
You can also ask, “Which part of the movie touched you the most?”
If the other party is willing to answer this question, he will open the city gate and tell you the SOP of “how to impress him”. People who are good at using intelligence can easily make the other party moved for themselves.
Please remember that when you are chatting, the movie is not the protagonist of your conversation. The protagonist will always be the two of you. The reason why you want to talk about movies is because it is a good channel for “self-disclosure” and understanding of each other’s values. .
Let’s take the example of Mr.P’s friend – Xiaofeng. There were many people who thought that Xiaofeng and his wife had a good relationship because they had similar interests. For example, they both loved movies and Japanese culture, so they were attracted to each other. Sparks rubbed underneath.
But if you look closely, you will find that his wife likes “The Grand Budapest Hotel” and “Hall’s Moving Castle”, while Xiaofeng prefers “stop today” and “true love every day”. From his favorite movies, You can know that boys are pragmatic and conservative people, while girls have more fantastic fantasies, so how can they meet and fall in love?
Because they both know that even if they like different things, it doesn’t mean that they can’t “seek common ground in differences”.
When you irrigate each other’s value with your heart, the relationship is likely to bear sweet fruit.
Therefore, people who want to have a good impression on the topic, in addition to using the “wind skills” I mentioned in the previous article, may wish to think more about the mentality that he will like watching movies, traveling, and eating food. What is behind this? , what did he do these things for?
(Extended reading: How to get closer to people through chat? Make good use of the wind to guide the topic)
Advanced Chat & Invite
The deepening of values begins after understanding, and how to create a good invitation for yourself is very important!
I don’t know how you invited the appointment, but I usually judge this way, if you have interacted in real life (and the class time together is not short), the performance in class basically determines you and her. relationship can progress or not.
Would you like to invite a board game? Would you like to invite to a movie? Would you like to invite us to dinner?
There was once a college student who asked a girl to go to a night market and chat together. Although the girl did not particularly like the night market, but because she had a good impression of the boys in the general education class, she also agreed to attend the appointment.
There was once a boy who asked a girl to go to the park to exercise after get off work. Although the girl felt that the weather in the park was hot and the air was not good, she thought that she would be there after get off work anyway, so she stopped by for a walk.
There was also a man who asked a girl to eat chicken nuggets in Moss and chat. Although the girl didn’t like fried food, but because her friend said the boy was good, she still ordered a cup of lemon red that she likes to drink. (Yes, the people invited above are all me)
(Extended reading: How to make an invitation to be successful? From revealing Intent to observe the other’s feelings)
A person who is looking forward to chatting with you, even if he feels soso to the board game, he will still go to an appointment just to interact with you.
Then you may want to ask me: “How do you get a good impression when you meet for the first time, or is there any coup for bringing you back to life?”
The key is actually small talk. Every relationship begins with seemingly meaningless small talk.
Techniques for Small Talk
“Don’t you think the teacher smiles like a star?”
“Huh? Really?”
“Yeah, he looks a lot like the male star who finally won the Oscar recently.”
“You mean Leonardo?”
Think about it, if you started a conversation like this in class, what would you leave in the other person’s mind?
He might think:
. you are very observant
. you are not serious in class
. you are watching a movie
. you seem to like leonardo
.maybe all of the above
No matter what the result is, it is good. At this stage, we are already testing, and according to his reaction, you can choose the part he is interested in and then extend the topic. Remember that the topic is only auxiliary, and mutual understanding is the main topic.
Don’t ignore the language, there is a lot of information hidden behind the language, and people (especially girls) are very sensitive to information, you must be bold to express your kindness and make friends with the other party, and at the same time pay attention to you carefully. The content of what you say, because even the “unconscious content” you speak reflexively, still hides your interests, preferences and values.
As for the topic of work, the beginning can also be as follows:
“How are you going to work today?”
“Let me tell you, I drew a card today using the method we learned last time.”
“Hey, I recently discovered that tarot can be applied to project management.”
Which one would impress her more? Maybe both are possible!
Because this is the content with no standard answer at all, but in view of this time to solve the confusion, there are a few principles that you can abide by.
◆ Empathy: If you know she’s busy, please reduce the frequency and don’t use the way to wash the texture to attract attention
◆ Topic: You can’t make an interesting opening, at least start with a memory and experience you share, don’t mention a thing you know about the other party but don’t understand
◆ Good catch: Don’t ask at the beginning is it ok? Yes or no? When are you free? For someone who can’t chat, please let her catch your serve well
◆ Conversation rhythm: When the other party replies, please master the conversation rhythm. She responds with a single sentence. Don’t scare her away. If you don’t get a response once, twice or three times, you may consider suspending the progress. because the impression is clearly set at the first meeting, you have to let time dilute her established impression of you
And the last and most important key, please call if you can!
Chatting with Line is not only slow-paced in building relationships, but also easy to be interrupted. If the other party doesn’t like you, they can ignore you directly. You don’t know where the right to speak is, so why waste your life? What about waiting?
What? Afraid that she doesn’t want to answer, worried that she will screw up the situation and won’t be able to save it?
Don’t worry, if she doesn’t want to take it, doesn’t that mean you’re out from the start? It’s better to face yourself instead of playing tricks.
Afraid of messing up if you say the wrong thing? If this will mess up, you will still mess up when you make an appointment. The advantage of calling is that you can think in advance, and even write down what you want to say on paper first, so as to improve your communication step by step.
Quick Summary
1. Most people have similar interests, including watching movies, sports, travel, food, reading, etc.
2. So the same or different interests are not the point at all, the point is the values behind the interests
3. Ask questions in the right way, and you can discover the value behind your interests
4. Compared with the superficial reason, the more important thing is “why the other party has this interest”
5. Don’t ignore small talk, small talk can help you resonate with others.
