Chat to be interesting, you don’t have to be well-informed, learn to communicate from the use of descriptive power

1. It may have something to do with the environment I grew up in. I was taught that I only need to listen and never talk since I was a child. In fact, I sometimes don’t know what to say to my parents at home, and there is no talk between brothers and sisters. It seems that I have lost the ability to speak and chat, and become a person with no ideas.

2. Fortunately, it is still possible to chat at school and with friends, but I am more of the type where people suddenly complain when they are chatting, and I can always poke everyone’s laughter. But when it comes to chatting with friends one-on-one, it’s often easy to get dry, it’s easy to stop, and you don’t know how to start a conversation. Moreover, the circle of friends is quite small, and sometimes I feel that I am actually quite marginal.

3. It’s even more overwhelming to chat with girls one-on-one. I don’t know how to open topics, ask questions and interact… Every time I see a boy who can chat happily with a girl, I envy …

4. Another point is that I don’t know how to cultivate interest. I have always been a three-minute fan, and I am addicted to video games (now I have quit all of them). Every time I see others, I can talk about a lot of topics and feel that I can’t catch up. . I feel like I should touch on something more, but I don’t know how to start. So when I want to chat with others, I don’t know what to share or what topics to talk about, because I don’t know much… I feel that my life has no taste and no characteristics. (Sorry if there are too many questions). 

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Man is a product of habit

In “Encounter Like Creating Fate”, I mentioned how to expand the circle of life. As long as we make good use of smiling, paying attention, and nodding, we can pass by two or three times, and we can change from completely ignorant to ordinary people. friend. However, one thing I didn’t say is that there is another layer of truth in this strategy, which is the use of inertia.

Just imagine, if you arrive at the company every morning, your colleague Xiaomei will greet you warmly and give you a bright smile. When you enter the company one day, you will find that she only glances at you, but Don’t you feel that something is not right without saying anything?

To give another example, for a while it was very popular among young people to greet each other with fist bumps (Fist bump, Obama likes to say hello very much), and in some specific groups, they also have their own exclusive It is a greeting ceremony, and people who say hello in this way for the first time may find it a bit strange, but it will become natural after a long time. It is like when you are in the army and see your officer stop and salute, and the kendo competition starts. Before bowing to each other.

And the relationship between people is also the same, the stereotyped interaction mode is also cultivated by unconscious inertia.

In the past few years during the Spring Festival, I have often visited my relatives and friends’ houses with my family. Occasionally, friends will come to my house as guests. They are usually surprised to find that my family and I get along really well. It’s as natural as friends chatting, but what they don’t know is that this kind of relationship is actually an inertia that I consciously cultivate. There was a long period of time between me and them that there was nothing to say.

In Mr.P’s past life, for about two-thirds of the time, my conversations with my family consisted of only two sentences, “Dad, Mom, I’m back” and “Dad, Mom, I want to I went out.” The reason is not because of any quarrels or quarrels between us, but simply because my family and I have different life circles and few interactions, so naturally I have nothing to say. Think it’s a very natural thing to do.

However, a lot of things we take for granted will always be broken. Once at a party with friends, I overheard him make a phone call to his mother to remind her not to go to bed too late , don’t watch TV for too long, remember to go out to exercise if the weather is good in the afternoon, etc. Later, after a few opportunities, I heard the content of the conversation between him and his mother, and what really surprised me was that I didn’t Knowing that they can also chat about movies and gossip with their elders, as well as about feelings and making friends, the two of them answered each other in a natural and natural tone like a friend, chatting about everything and showing their true feelings.Since then, I’ve made a secret decision in my mind about what I should do to change my interactions with my family.

OK, then to change the long-accustomed interaction mode, someone has to jump out and break the deadlock first, and that person must be me, but I am also worried that my sudden and abnormal behavior will make my family think I am weird, so I Instead of directly switching myself into chatty mode when chatting with friends, I start with a few small things:

1. Collect topics

As a child, it’s a shame to not know what topics your parents are used to talking about. That’s how I felt at the time, so I started by observing the two of them and their interactions with their friends.

For example, my dad likes to watch basketball and tennis, so NBA and Grand Slams are a good topic to cut into, and my mother is a lover of historical dramas and National Geographic Channel. I will silently record these topics that can cut into it. In your heart, wait until the right time to take it out and use it.

Second, increase the frequency of contact

In the past, the time we met was almost zero, so the content of the conversation was reduced to only basic greetings, so I started to think, is there anything I can do with them, like grocery shopping, cleaning, or watching together Ball games, etc. This is the easiest way to generate a topic. Even if I don’t know what to say, they will take the initiative to open the topic. Why not?

3. Exchange of opinions and ideas

Everyone needs to be recognized in their hearts, and one of the best ways is to have someone ask you to teach you what you are good at, especially for elders, this is a noble compliment.

Hey, I know you’re going to start worrying, will he start the “Old Man Memories” dialogue mode as soon as I ask him, and then you can only listen, not talk, for the next two hours? So while you are doing this, it is best to use it with the current situation. For example, when you are picking vegetables at the market, you can ask him what he thinks of the onion, or when you see Federer swinging his backhand, you can Ask him who he thinks Federer’s biggest headache is. These questions are somewhat “inquiring”, but because you’re both focused on one thing at the moment, they won’t last long.

Of course, it didn’t take me just a week or two to change the way I interacted with each other. At first, I would remind myself to say one more sentence, like when I got home I might just say, I’m back, but now I’m home I will say one more thing, Dad, did you cut your hair today, or Mom, did you read today’s newspaper, etc. These conversations may seem unimportant, but they are very important beginnings for breaking the inertia.

When the dialogue between us can increase from one or two sentences to four or five sentences, I slowly use the topics I have collected, and then gradually participate in their lives, breaking the barriers between the elders and the younger generation, Until now it is possible to interact as naturally as friends. Such methods are not only used for talking to elders, but also for chatting with brothers and sisters and friends. After using these methods myself, in addition to improving my relationship with my family, I have successfully become friends with gym coaches, and even I Even the uncle, the guard of the office building, is familiar with it.

In fact, the reason is very simple, that is, you have to be the first to break the pattern you are used to. Start with one more sentence or one more greeting. The topic is only auxiliary, and the determination to take the first step is the most important.

Open a topic, extend a topic, ignite a topic

Come again, you say: “Fortunately, it is still possible to chat at school and with friends, but I am more of the type where people suddenly complain when they are chatting, and can always poke everyone’s laughter. But when it comes to chatting with friends one-on-one, it’s often easy to get dry, it’s easy to stop, and I don’t know how to start a topic. Moreover, the circle of friends is quite small, and sometimes I feel like I’m quite marginal. One-on-one chat is even more overwhelmed, I don’t know how to open a topic, ask questions and interact… Every time I see a boy who can chat with a girl happily, I envy it…”

First of all, I have to say that you have actually done a good job. Not everyone has the ability to make complaints. You must have good observation skills to know the laughing points of this group of people and create contrasts to poke them. In everyone’s laughter, compared to people who can’t chat at all (like me in the past), you are already ahead.

As for opening a topic, you might as well try to break the ice with “Routine Topics”! There are probably no more than 30 kinds of opening topics commonly used by ordinary people (weather, news, celebrity gossip, travel, etc.), if you really have no idea, first observe what people around you are doing, just like I observe my home Just like people, record what topics they usually throw at the beginning. Next time you can use it directly on the same people, and copy other people’s successful methods. It will always be faster than groping yourself.

So after opening the topic, how to extend the topic?

Here is an exercise for you that I use to train my sales business:

1. Start by giving yourself a specific topic
2. Allow yourself to keep talking during this time
3. Say whatever you want, or say nonsense, but your content must be the same as the beginning

For example, if the topic at the beginning is that Jay Chou is a judge on New Chinese Songs, then you can go on to say that there seem to be quite a few Taiwanese artists who have also been judges, or that Jay Chou’s song is your favorite black humor, or Jay Chou is currently the artist who collects the most supercars in Taiwan, etc. You don’t have to worry about whether there is content in what you say (because whether there is content or not depends on the way you speak, not the words you use).

After you can get used to this impromptu way of speaking, it is not too difficult to extend the topic. At this time, you can enter the next stage of the practice “Ignite the topic“. Ignition topics look very similar to extension topics, but one of the biggest differences is that Ignite topics can stir up emotional fires, such as the impulse to buy, the moment of heartbeat, and the excitement. Feelings and so on, this is also the most important bridge for salesmen to guide customers to buy. In the relationship between the sexes, it is the most important bridge to go from friends to ambiguous. Many businesses will be stuck in the area of ​​​​unable to deal, or stuck in the friend area with the opposite sex, mostly because of this step. It is very rough or not done at all. The detailed content will not be described here due to the limited space. If there is time to hold a lecture this year, we can talk about it again.

In the end you said, “I don’t know how to cultivate interest. I have always been a fan of three minutes, and I am addicted to video games (now I have completely quit). Every time I see others, I can talk about a lot of topics and feel that I can’t relate to myself. I feel like I should get involved. A little more things, but I don’t know how to start. So when I want to chat with others, I don’t know what to share or what topics to talk about, because I don’t know much… I feel that my life has no taste and no characteristics ”

Are well-informed people necessarily better at chatting? If so, does it mean that the more people who travel, the more they can chat? In fact, this logic is like, people who often go abroad have an international outlook. I know many people who often go abroad know which country is the cheapest to buy what, but their understanding of the international outlook and international situation… Maybe the same as the average person almost.

Enlarging knowledge is a good thing, but only if you have the ability to digest and understand your knowledge, turn it into your unique point of view, and express it in an interesting way, otherwise it will not make people feel much different. As ordinary people, we have limited time and limited interests to focus on. It is very difficult to understand everything and talk about everything.

In this way, is it possible that people with ordinary knowledge are helpless?

Hey, don’t worry, there are still sneaky people in this world. This method is called Descriptive Power. If you want to become a person who is good at speaking, this is a method you must learn.

Use of descriptive power

For example, when we want to describe a person smiling, we can describe it in the following ways:

1. He smiled

2. He laughs until he can’t breathe

3. He showed a Ke Wenzhe smile

Which one impressed you the most? I think people who know Ke Wenzhe will probably say the third type, which is the use of descriptive power. An ordinary thing can be turned into something interesting and attractive after being described from different angles.

From today, try to describe the ordinary things in life, you can also use the film stalks, for example:

1. Hey, you see how blue the sky is today

2. Hey, look at the sky today, it’s as blue as lake water

3. Hey, look at the sky today, it’s like… your name… the sky inside is so blue

(From the third description, the topic can be extended to the movie Your Name. )

And what I want to tell you is actually very simple: “Most people have a similar understanding of the world.” I know new knowledge, you almost know it, you have been to almost the countries I have been to, and even a lot of knowledge Anything you can do with Google.

There are indeed many people who have more knowledge and knowledge than the general population, but they are a minority among the few. If we have to wait until we become such people before we can make ourselves talk interesting and in-depth, then the people you want to know are already old. Right (laughs).

Therefore, for ordinary people, if they can make good use of descriptive power to add to their own words