While chatting with students recently, someone asked:
“What should I do with someone who has also learned chat skills?”
When the person you like finds himself using “conventions”, he is probably cold-treated or blocked; when the customer finds out that you are using “words”, even if he likes your product very much, he will directly suppress the desire to buy; Friends find out that you are using “moves”, and years of friendship are likely to crack.
And this problem happened to be the biggest dilemma Mr.P encountered when he was learning to communicate, and even became my inner demon for a while, which made me feel uncomfortable when I spoke, and I was afraid that my skills were not proficient enough.
Thinking deeply about words
In order to solve this mental obstacle, I began to think about one thing:
. How do we chat without learning any tricks?
Beside you and me, someone who has never learned any technology but is naturally good at chatting can make you feel like a spring breeze talking to him. If the key to it can be found, will it solve the problem that the marks of the axe are too obvious?
Then I think in the exact opposite way:
. When we say something that makes others feel like you are “using words”?
It’s like sometimes when you know that your tricks are useless, but others think you are planning, planning, and calculating something.
(I call this phenomenon “awareness of vigilance”, which is an automatic protection mechanism of human beings. When we detect that someone wants to persuade, influence, and manipulate us, our awareness of vigilance will increase, otherwise, it will decrease)
The key behind the trick
After a lot of precipitation and consideration, as well as my operations in actual sales and observing customer feedback, I found that what really touches the sensitive nerves of listeners is not words, conventions, or tricks. These things are just appearances.
What does that mean?
Take the newcomer of my company for example. Maybe he has no concept of words, but because he wants to make a deal too much, he constantly tries to “convincing” customers with reasoning.
And to be reasonable, it happens to be the quickest way to trigger the awareness of vigilance. As long as the alarm sounds, the salesman will be out of the game.
(It’s the same for both sexes, to please each other is a high-risk practice that sets off the alarm)
However, if the same situation is encountered in TOP SALES, the ending will be completely different.
If you’ve actually worked with a top salesperson, you’ll be surprised to find that his lines are almost the same, the way he answers objections has changed, but it’s surprisingly effective, and the customer is very good after the deal. Satisfied, even willing to refer friends to him.
Reverse thinking
That key is called “stance”, which is called “positioning” in marketing terms, and “motivation” in terms of psychology.
When you are a salesperson, your position is to sell things and make performance, and customers are to compare, dislike goods, and bargain prices. The average person will be trapped in this position, and then opposed to the customer, while the strong person can escape the position. , let the client see him as a friend.
When you are a pursuer, your position is to please, pay, and be courteous, while the position of the pursued is to look again, pretend to be busy, and test you. The power of the position is even more expanded here, and it is even more cruel. And, falling into the suitor position, very few succeed.
Therefore, Mr.P believes that if you want to be successful in the field of chat and communication, you have to use “reverse thinking” to speak, and then further extend to your behavior.
In terms of sales, do you know what you have said and done that will make you “labeled as a salesperson”?
In terms of relationships, do you know that giving a late-night snack will make you classified as a “suiter” or an “ambiguous object”?
If you don’t know, then learning more words, conventions, and techniques will be useless, because you simply can’t grasp the timing of using them. Even if you can master the Nine Swords of Dugu and the Tathagata’s Palm, it will be in vain if you can’t hit the enemy.
The exercise of reverse thinking is the key to truly determine whether a person’s chatting technology can achieve naturalness, but this is also the most inconvenient part of traditional teaching methods, because it completely violates the habit of being taught since childhood:
“Everything should have a standard answer.”
But talking and chatting are dynamic. As long as one of the sentences changes, the script will be completely reversed. In other words, as long as you are still pursuing standard answers all day, and are still obsessed with learning routines and routines, your words will be traced. Followable, and traceable methods will not be smooth, easy to cause vigilance.
Of course, this will not be achieved overnight. Mr.P will have these insights because I have received too many good person cards, been rejected by customers too many times, and I have a lot of experience in training business and general communication. , so I came to this solution.
Practical training in communication
If you also want to train yourself to think in reverse, here is an exercise I will bring to my “Communications Course”:
“For a sentence, think at least three different ways to answer it.”
To give the most obvious example:
Many people will be stunned when asked if you like what I said. Maybe some experts will teach you to throw the question back and ask the other party.
But as a person with independent consciousness and self-worth, can you give other answers and predict the effects of different answers?
Judging from the “Advanced Application of Communication – Silence” mentioned in my last post, just one silence can have at least ten or more usages:
For example you can:
. in silence
. Silence, then push your glasses and look at her
. silence, then take a deep breath
. After five seconds of silence, he asked her, “Do you really want to know the answer?”
. Silence for five seconds, then ask her, “Can you promise me one thing before I tell you?”
For the above examples, I will not tell you the effect, because there is no standard answer, but you can think about it with reverse thinking.
Once you start thinking, and then actually try, your communicative intuition will kick in, really penetrate your flesh, and sublime into your charisma.
Conclusion
Back to our original question:
“If others have also learned the skills of chatting, what should I do with such a person?”
In fact, you don’t have to do anything, and you have to do everything, remember to think in reverse, don’t arouse a sense of vigilance, and let the conversation flow smoothly.
You are inaction and at the same time omnipotent.
Basic communication training is training you what to do, and more advanced training is what you need to pay attention to – what you should not do.
Furthermore, don’t take chatting too seriously. Talking is like cooking. People who are obsessed with ingredients will only make the same dishes, but if you can combine your personal style, you will endow the ingredients with the ingredients. life.
As for the so-called silence, rhetorical question, questioning, answering, and retelling, you can think of them as ingredients. They have their own flavors and characteristics, just like silence and rhetorical questioning. Generally speaking, they can increase tension, while answering and retrieving can increase tension. It is a method that can skillfully bypass the awareness of vigilance.
But you can’t have a full-man Han banquet with just one ingredient, right?
If the dialogue is too tense, the atmosphere will be too tense, and if there is too much identification and retelling, the person you are talking to will fall asleep or even feel that you are not listening at all.
Therefore, facing different people and speaking in different situations, each dialogue will be “customized”, depending on how you combine and manage it.
Our purpose is very simple, that is, we hope that the people we chat with can be in a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere. This is the way to go beyond eloquence, even introverted people can control, to make words unique, gentle, and powerful.
