Stop clinging to talent, learn to find “motivation” first!

“I like movies, and you like movies too? God, we must get along so well.”

“I love listening to R&B, you love listening to R&B too? It was a fateful encounter, shall we be together?”

I don’t deny that this is a possible plot, but love is definitely not just sparked by the same interests.

When we were young, we often liked a certain talent for a certain person, so we forced ourselves to do our best to learn. Usually, there was a girl in the class who liked the basketball captain very much, and there were also a few girls who were particularly fond of boys who knew music. fascinated.

At this time, there will be a few boys going crazy to play ball and learn musical instruments, just to be able to show their talents at the concerts, school celebrations, and graduations, and use this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to attract The eyes of the sweetheart.

Unfortunately, the ending is often regrettable. In the end, they often find that she keeps saying that she likes a boy like that, but she is with a boy who has no talent at all.

Are we being deceived? Girls are duplicitous?

In fact, it is not, because our understanding of human nature is not deep enough, and there is another layer of meaning behind our interests and talents that we often overlook.

In order to chase girls, I have tried my best to study talents, such as magic, hip-hop, singing, guitar, mahjong, etc., and in order to close my life circle with the opposite sex, I went to study topics such as constellation, travel, and food.

At that time, in order to show my knowledge and knowledge, after I had a certain degree of understanding of a certain field, I often talked about the topic of that field consciously or unintentionally.”Jiufen? The flying fish roe sausage over there is famous. Last time I went…”

“Three stars are missing one, I also have fun. Last time I was all overwhelmed.”

“I can also do Liu Qian’s coin trick, you see~.”

I originally thought that as long as I was familiar with the hot topics and cold knowledge in that field, I should be able to get the other person’s appreciation quickly, but after several conversations, it often turned into self-talk, and at this time I’ve also observed that some people can have a good time with each other even if they don’t understand it at all.

Why, she obviously likes music and he likes movies, but the two of them can chat so warmly?

Why, she obviously likes boys who can sing, he can only play ball, they can still sing KTV together?

More and more doubts were buried in my heart. As I went out of the society, grew older, and stumbled in business work, I slowly clarified the real cause of the problem and was no longer interested.

Interests, talents, and hobbies are just appearances. The key to touching people’s hearts lies in the motivation behind them.

It’s good to play mahjong. Some people are for entertainment and entertainment, some people are for excitement, and some people are for winning and proving themselves.

The guitar is also, some are for performances, some are for pleasure, some are for competitions, and some are just because everyone is learning so he also learns.

Different people will have different motives, and different motives will make this talent bear different fruits and blossom with different meanings.

For this reason, car owners who also buy Mercedes may not necessarily join the same car club. Some clubs focus on cohesion between people, some focus on horsepower modification and racing, and some focus on traveling in the mountains and water. of leisure.

In other words, if we can find out the other person’s motive for doing this, we have the key to enter the other person’s inner world.

Therefore, our eyes on things will become wider,

“Ah, it turns out that she likes boys who play basketball because she likes people with leadership charisma.”

So, we don’t have to be able to play ball, as long as we can make her feel the charisma of leadership, we can make her eyes be attracted to you, maybe be the team leader in group activities, or be the general call when welcoming new students, etc. You You can think of dozens of ways to radiate your leadership charisma.

“She always listens to Bruno Mars’ fast songs. It turns out that she likes this kind of relaxed and fast-paced style, which can make her relax.”

So, if we have the ability to relax her, maybe it’s funny and fun up-close magic, maybe invite her to an air guitar competition, or even play a board game together!

“The purpose of his purchase of this car is not to show off, but for the safety of his family.”

If you’re a salesperson, you know that if you want to recommend any product from this gentleman, as long as it’s linked to safety, there’s a good chance he’ll pay for it.

Having said so much, shouldn’t we learn any talents? As long as you understand the other party’s motives?

Of course not!

You can still learn what you really love, but your mentality shouldn’t be to win over someone or to get someone’s attention, you have to really invest your passion in that because only With this, you can slowly chew out more of the meaning you like from this thing.

And the more you try and the more you get in touch, you can intuitively empathize with others, gain insight into other people’s motives for doing this, and then share what you think is valuable to them, instead of talking about music You can talk about music, and when people talk about movies, you can talk about movies, and you will know where the driving force behind most people’s actions comes from.

So, the next time you talk to someone about travel, instead of rushing to share your own story, it’s better to ask the other person first, what do you care about most when you travel? What are you traveling for? What is the meaning of travel?

Find out the motivation behind it, and you’ll have the best of luck in every chat.