Since I started teaching self-confidence classes, “how to build self-confidence” has been a question that many people have been asking me. Build self-confidence“. If you are also confused in this area, you might as well have a chat.
“After I get this offer, I can raise my eyebrows!”
“If I can get along with her smoothly, everyone will look at me with admiration.”
“Successfully marrying into a wealthy family will lead to a happier life in the future, right?”
The above words are the words I confided to me when I chatted with a few young friends recently, and they just reflect the common myths of modern people:
“If my life can be XXX, this life will be smooth sailing.”
“As long as I can reach XXX, I will have confidence.”
And a while ago there was a very popular jingle: “It won’t take long for me to get a promotion and raise my salary, become a general manager, become a CEO, marry Bai Fumei, and go to the pinnacle of my life.” This sentence, I think it is probably the same. It was born under the atmosphere.
Today we will not explore the reasons for this idea, I want to ask you only one thing:
“Is it true that one person’s life will be promoted to the winning group just because he achieves a certain achievement?”
For example:
You have a well-off family, although you are not rich or rich, but you have never been hungry or frozen since you were a child. Of course, you are not the kind of young man who eats and eats tea. My own efforts have applied to foreign universities, and they are still from the top ten well-known universities in the United States.
After staying up all night and studying hard for countless nights, you graduated. With such a degree, you defeated many competitors, squeezed into the narrow group of Fortune 500 companies, and got a reward. A good offer, finally, you can sweep away the haze that you were not optimistic about in high school, and you can raise your eyebrows in front of relatives, friends, and classmates, and then what?
Are you not going to make further progress? Is this the pinnacle of your life? And then you started planning to slide down?
The reason why I say this is not out of speculation, but because of the above-mentioned phrase “raised eyebrows”, these four words actually imply very great knowledge.
What kind of person can raise their eyebrows?
The answer to this question may not be constant, but you must also agree that ordinary people can’t raise their eyebrows, right?
So… how do you make yourself “extraordinary”?
Since the meaning of ordinary means being like others, to become extraordinary, you just need to “transcend others”.
If you surpass others, you can raise your eyebrows, and the conditions for making this arrogance last are very simple. You have to be stronger than the people around you. If someone starts with a starting salary of 50,000 US dollars, you have to get 60,000 US dollars to raise your eyebrows. , If someone else becomes the director, you have to be promoted to the manager before you can breathe out. Then, when will you be willing to stop when you plan to win all the way in your life?
We can’t beat everyone in the world, not even Bill Gates, Terry Gou, Buffett, no one can always be the winner in this life game.
However, there are too many people who have unrealistic illusions – “I only need to do XXX, I can be promoted to the winner’s ranks.” Yes, maybe this sentence will be true at first, but there are two points Things I have to remind you first:
I. There are still losers among the winners
In the ranks of winners, there will still be losers. No matter how powerful you become, you will always find the back of the strong in front of you when you look up.
Second, the measure of losing or winning is not constant
Just like beauty and ugliness. In the Tang Dynasty, people believed that plump was beautiful, but thinness was not. Westerners believed that bronzed skin was beautiful, but pale skin was not. Different time and space backgrounds and cultures are always changing, and nothing is constant.
As soon as the measure of “victory” changes, you fall from the winner’s throne.
At the end of the day, do you remember what you wanted to win for?
Are you trying to surpass others, or to achieve yourself?
In that chat, I told the above words to several young people present.
Hey, don’t think that they are all losers or people who don’t know how to make progress, so they get together and talk about warmth. In fact, on the contrary, their learning experience and ability are already very outstanding in the eyes of ordinary people.
One of them also obtained a master’s degree from a well-known American university, but unfortunately, the degree not only could not loosen their thoughts that trapped them, but instead bound them even tighter.
That night, I spent a little time, step by step, peeling their thoughts out of the cocoon, guiding them to explore the deepest things in their hearts.
“Big P, as you put it, shouldn’t we pursue achievement and strive for self-realization? How boring is it to live with such a person?” said one of the boys wearing black-rimmed glasses,
‘No, let me be more clear, many people think they are self-fulfilling, but the truth is, they are just out of fear, so they try their best to realize the dreams that others sell to them. ‘ I answer
“If you were a Mercedes-Benz, would you feel inferior because of fuel consumption than Toyota? 』
“Of course not, how can the two be compared?”
“Why not? TOYOTA is more fuel efficient than you, people are a budget-conscious person, and you are a waste of money. ‘
“Because Mercedes-Benz is not the main focus of fuel economy, why should I care about things I don’t care about.”
“Okay, so assuming you’re a SONY phone, would you feel superior because your camera’s pixels surpass the iphone? 』
“It seems to be okay, SONY’s camera should have beaten Apple, but this does not mean that Apple is inferior, because the strengths of the two are different and cannot be compared like this.”
“Yeah, then why do you, Apple, keep comparing cameras with SONY? Compared with Xiaomi, the CP value is stronger than that of NOKIA? 』
Now, you should start to understand the difference between “ascending to surpass others” and “working for self-actualization”?
I’m not asking you to stop working hard
The ideas of pursuing higher education, higher income, being promoted to supervisor, etc. are all neutral in themselves, and there is no right or wrong. If you are pursuing these things now, you do not need to Too worried, but you have to ask yourself, am I trying hard to be someone else, or am I trying hard to be myself?
How to distinguish your starting point, you can judge from the following two points, which is also the basis of thinking I often use to infer:
I. Superiority and inferiority
People who do something in order to show it to others and prove it to others will easily feel superior when they win, and feel inferior when they lose. This is the crux of the matter.
Apple won’t be ashamed of losing the camera to SONY, because that’s not what it wants.
Mercedes-Benz will not be ashamed for consuming more fuel than TOYOTA, because it clearly knows who it is and what it wants to pursue.
Being inferior or superior only means one thing, you may not know yourself very well, so you measure your success based on winning or losing.
Second, short-term comfort and long-term satisfaction
The pleasure of meeting other people’s expectations is very short-lived. It is a kind of comfort obtained by stepping on someone’s feet. You will soon find that someone is stepping on you, and you will always be under someone else’s head.
But the satisfaction of self-fulfillment is profound and long-lasting, because every breakthrough and every growth you make is to go in the direction you set and surpass yourself again and carry out the mission you came into the world.
Conclusion
1. It’s not a bad thing to work hard, but before you blindly invest, you need to figure out your motivation.
2. Superiority and inferiority are like light and shadow. The two go hand in hand. Whether you are in a state of superiority or inferiority, it only means that you may not know yourself very well.
3. Each brand has its own positioning, as long as it is the best in its own positioning, the real winner is not the person who wins in all aspects, but continues to beat himself in the direction you set. .
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