You play someone else every day, when will you start playing yourself?

Yesterday, I was invited to give a lecture at the university. The process was very interesting. Many of my classmates were more mature than I imagined. One of them asked:

“Excuse me, Mr.P, how do we judge where our current self-confidence lies? How can we avoid becoming the self-proclaimed winner and self-proclaimed loser you said?”

I said, “The quickest way to judge this is to look at your own life, and every decision you make is whether you really think that way or whether you’re doing it because you care about what other people think. ”

She said, “But sometimes I don’t know myself. I don’t know if it’s because of other people’s eyes or if I really think so. How can I tell the difference?”

“Do you remember the question I asked you at the beginning of the lecture? If you won the lottery and didn’t have to work again, what would you do? The answer behind the question will be connected to your ambition. And self-confidence is also The same”, I deliberately paused for a while after finishing speaking, leaving some blank space for her to think.

Her: “Huh?”

Me: “So you should think about it, today when you have the idea of ​​losing weight, or suddenly want to buy a luxury product, or even just want to buy a bottle of Evian mineral water, you are really because of some kind of heartfelt Is it the reason? Like health, good drink, practical, happy to look at, etc. Or, you just want to look noble, and then get praise and attention from others.”

She wondered: “What if I really want to buy those things? I sometimes buy more expensive things myself, but I’m also afraid of being told that I’m following the trend, blindly obeying, etc., so how should I choose? ”

Me: “Haha, this is another very interesting contradiction, the thing is this, if you really want to do something, then you should do it, instead of giving up because others criticize you for following the trend, Other people compliment you so you do it, the essence of both is the same, you are playing a role that other people like, maybe you will be a good actor, but you can never be who you are. Let me Let me ask you a question, if you always follow other people’s eyes, do you think you will end up beautiful and tasteful?”

She hesitated and then: “I don’t know, the answer is no? Because others have bad eyesight?”

I continued, “Like you said, maybe not because other people have bad eyes, but maybe because they have great taste, right? But the real point is, why do you want to make beautiful, What about putting the standard of taste in someone else’s hands? In fact, you can never be completely beautiful in the eyes of everyone.”

Her: “Isn’t it okay to become as beautiful as a star?”

Me: “Yes, because the aesthetics are changing at any time, a good-looking bag may not be popular in 5 years, and Westerners will think that Japanese men are very naughty and the same, you can become very beautiful, But you can’t satisfy everyone in this world, the only person you can satisfy is yourself. So why not stop playing the fictional you in the eyes of others? Start playing yourself today!”

She: “Does this make it possible to escape the vortex of winners and losers?”

Me: “Exactly, because now you realize that you are an independent brand, just like you are Hermes, you will not compare with coach who sells better in Outlet, you are coach, and you will not compare with Hermes Who is more luxurious, each of you has your own advantages, and each shines in the areas you like and are good at. You are a unique individual, so for you, it doesn’t matter whether you win or lose in the future. If you don’t win or lose, you get real freedom, this is the fulcrum of a person’s self-confidence.”